Frustrated

Over the past few months we have tried to allow DS to return to the nest.  Its been frustrating trying to allow him to be a part of the family home, yet not to allow him to take advantage of us and have him "spread his wings".  Everytime he walks out the door we dont know if he will return sober or drunk, or even return at all!  Its so frustrating and it has begun to cause problems the the DH and I.  I am torn with being the Mother and also with being a wife.  No matter what I do I feel I make the wrong choice!